Happiness Happened Here

If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love

If it doesn't break your heart, it's not enough,

It's when you're breaking down with your insides coming out

That's when you find out what your heart is made of...

- Switchfoot's "Yet"

Well, it finally happened. I knew it was coming. The breakdown. The point when it all just became too much, when the stress had finally built up to such a point that it came out in the form of tears streaming down my cheeks and snot running out of my nose. The point when reality set in and that reality scared me.

All Things

Today was one of those days. Today, it was a wonder that I didn't plop myself down on the floor and have a good cry. I think the fact that I didn't proves two things: 1) God is good. 2) I'm growing up.


Nothing today went the way I planned or expected it to. Nothing.


I do not like it when things do not go according to plan. When I was younger, when things went crazy and life got chaotic, I would cry. It stressed me out to the point that I couldn't handle it. Today, everything was crazy and chaotic...but I didn't cry. Thus, I believe I just might be growing up. :)

30 Before 30

2097.


I have 2097 days before I turn 30...or 5 years and 9 months (minus a few days). When I turned 24 a few months ago, I started making a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I was 30. When I reveal my big plans a little later in this post, you'll see that while there are 30 things listed, one of them is to come up with a 30th idea. Thinking of 30 things turned out to be a lot harder than I thought...mostly because I gave myself some pretty strict rules about what could go on the list. For instance, sure, I would love to be married and have kids by the time I'm 30...but I don't want to put that on a to-do list. If I get married it should be in God's timing, not mine. I've learned better than to give God an ultimatum. Plus, if God is preparing someone to marry me, it may take Him a little extra time to get the guy ready to be able to live with me...I'm a little neurotic. :) And then, I might never get married. No reason to feel as though I've failed if I can't cross it off the list because God just may have a different plan for me. So, basically everything on the list is something I can do without changing any of my present life circumstances in any major way. No major life decisions made the list either (such as going back to school for another master's degree or my doctorate though I would like to do that and actually plan on doing that at some point). I concentrated more on having fun. :) So, without further ado, I present my list of 30 before 30...

One Year Later...

Tomorrow is June 3rd and besides being the day that Lorelai was supposed to marry Luke on Gilmore Girls before the whole relationship went bust, it also marks the one year anniversary of Brandon becoming a Sanford and the four of us becoming a family forever.

The whole family with Brandon's lawyer and judge right after we officially became a family of four.