When I became Brandon's sister, it started to hit me just how much some people struggle with the things that come so easily for me. Sitting still and studying is not difficult or me...in fact, most days I quite enjoy it. However, the effort it took me to solve complicated Calculus problems is much less than the effort it takes for Brandon to sit still long enough for me to say the word Calculus.
Brandon and I are complete polar opposites. I am introverted, he is extroverted. He is loud, I am quiet. I prefer to use my head, he prefers to use his hands. He says whatever is on his mind the minute it comes to mind, I over think everything. Bottom line, we're different.
Given our differences, we can have difficulties dealing with each other. We rarely understand one another. Yet, love is big and grand and somehow, most days, we make it work around here. It is never easy, but it is always worth it.
Something we've all had to accept or are in the process of learning to accept is that Brandon and I will never be alike. One day at dinner Brandon said that he wished he could somehow take my brain and trade it for his. I didn't know whether to be freaked or flattered. I was a little freaked because the kid is just crazy enough that he might actually try to take out my brain while I sleep. I was flattered because he wanted to be like his big sister, but also a little sad because he thought the only way he could be smart was to take out my brain.
Being Brandon's sister has made me appreciate how unique God has made each one of us. There are moments when Brandon amazes me with how he figures out how something works. His curiosity can be annoying, but it is also something that makes him incredibly special. I'm glad he's not like me, because if he were anyone different, I would not have learned some of the incredible lessons being his sister has taught me. There's a scene in the movie, 500 Days of Summer, where one of the characters talks about his dream girl and then says that his girlfriend is nothing like the dream girl he just described...she's better...because she's real. I feel that way about Brandon. Had I made a list of characteristics of my dream little brother, Brandon probably wouldn't have made the cut. However, I know that he's the kid that God wanted me to have as a little brother and he is better than anything I could have dreamed up because he is real.
A few weeks ago, Brandon ran in from school and came in to show me something. It was an invitation to honor's day. As his school honor's day is a big deal. It is an invite only sort of event. As I looked at the invitation, I felt so much pride and yes, my eyes welled up a bit. I looked over at him and he had the biggest smile on his face. When the actually day came, Brandon tried to play it cool, but you could tell that he was nervous and excited about walking across the stage to get his award. A few days later I would receive my Master's degree from seminary and would graduate with a pretty high GPA, but the day my baby brother walked across that stage to accept his award for being the 'Most Improved,' was hands down the day I was most proud and excited.
Most people don't know how hard it is around here most days. Brandon struggles. We struggle. Life, for him and with him, is difficult for so many reasons. Yet, with every day we all improve ever so slightly.
I remember during one particular grading period during my senior year of high school I got a 100 in every one of my classes. As I looked across the row at my grades, I unexpectedly felt incredibly disappointed. I realized that I couldn't and wouldn't get any better. The only direction to go at that point was down. Getting perfect grades certainly wasn't what I expected it to be. I think the next grading period I got a 99 and I felt so much better about life. Having room to improve gave me room to breathe.
I am a perfectionist, a fact that I have repeated and will repeat here often, but perfection isn't possible...improvement is. I have been on a mission the past few years to constantly be in the process of improving without pursuing perfection...because you can't ever get there, but you can get really tired and discouraged during the chase.
On honor's day as my little brother walked across the stage and accepted his award for 'Most Improved,' I thought about how far he has come...how far we've all come. There isn't a day that goes by that is anything close to perfect. I personally tend to glare at Brandon much more than I extend grace. We all need to improve. It's what we're called to do as Christians, to improve a little bit each day, to become more Christ-like. In the Christian journey, just like our family's journey, some days are better than others. However, honor's day was one of the good days and as far as I'm concerned, the award for 'Most Improved' was the best one in the bunch.
