We were only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don’t get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won’t solve all the mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers, bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again, until we are called home.
- To Write Love on Her Arms
The quote from TWLOHA is on the desktop of my computer. I see it everyday. Today, it rang true in ways it never has before...
Today was not a happy ending. Parents will go to bed tonight with the unbearable knowledge that the story that their children were living was abruptly ended. Those children will never graduate from high school and college, they won't get married or have children, they won't cure cancer or become the President...because sick individuals came and senselessly ended their story.
I found out about today's tragedy in Connecticut while surrounded by preschoolers who were supposed to be watching The Polar Express, but were instead laughing and playing and enjoying the fact that they did not have to take a nap. Happiness surrounded me, but my facebook news feed didn't match the mood of the room at all. Within minutes nearly everything I read as I scrolled through the status updates on my phone said something along the lines of "Praying for Sandy Hook" or "How could someone do such a thing?"
As I processed the information about what had happened, I'll admit, I was mostly numb. Maybe it's because I've grown up in a generation where tragedy becomes a media circus and at this point in my life, I've been exposed to a lot. I remember Columbine and Virginia Tech. I remember September 11th and Hurricane Katrina. Disasters and tragedies were a part of my childhood and are now a part of my adult life. Innocence doesn't have a chance when you have 24 hour new networks.
Or maybe it's because I know that thousands of children die every day because of hunger.
Or maybe it's because I know that thousands of children go to bed at night feeling unloved and forgotten.
We've done a crummy job protecting kids...not just in Connecticut where an armed gunman entered a school and opened fire...but everywhere.
We don't get to choose the endings. If we did, I can promise you that I would choose for all of those kids to be with their families tonight. I would choose for kids to not go hungry when I throw food away everyday. I would choose for kids to have loving parents who tell them that they are magnificent everyday.
I suppose we could shake our fists at the sky and ask God where He was and why such things happen...but I don't really need to ask to know the answer. As lives were lost today, God was and is still grieving. His heart was breaking because what happened today wasn't what He wanted for us. Why do such things happen? Because a sick individual ran from God. Because a sick individual chose sin. Because we all run from God and choose sin.
Because we live in a broken world, we experience heart break.
I can't imagine what families in Connecticut are experiencing right now. I spend only a few hours each week with the kids I work with and the thought of anyone squashing the light they bring to the world outrages me, to imagine someone extinguishing that light completely and so senselessly grieves me in ways I can't express. For me, it's just a thought...for others, it is a reality tonight.
When tragedy strikes I think it is easy to wonder, "What's the point?" The world is broken, days like today happen too often and hurt too much, and it seems as though we can do nothing to fix the brokenness or heal the hurt. When it seems like there are bad things around every corner that threaten our innocence and security, I think it is easy to be afraid and wonder, "What's going to happen next?"
I don't know what's going to happen next, but I think the point is to fight. To fight for goodness to conquer evil. To fight for light to overpower darkness. To fight for love to overcome hate. To fight even though we'll get hurt and be disappointed and won't win every battle.
The point is to want and work toward a better world. To be bold in the broken places, patching up the brokenness with hope and gusto, refusing to leave the world in the condition we found it and insisting on improving it.
The point is to not let that gunman take anything else from the world, he took away too much potential as it is.
Today was a tragedy, but it will become an even bigger tragedy if we don't let it wake us up to the reality that we've got a job to do. My life revolves around kids that aren't mine. Sometimes it shocks me just how much I love them and how invested I am in their lives' stories. Today was a reminder that I'm not in control. As much as I love them, I can't choose the endings to their stories and I can't protect them from everything. The best I can do is to fight to leave to leave them a better world where evil doesn't have such and easy time wreaking havoc...and in the mean time love them even more boldly and hug them a little more tightly.
May God grant the families in Connecticut peace and comfort and give us all the courage we need to fight for a better world.
**These are my reflections on today's events. While I have been thinking about today's events all day, I wrote this post rather quickly and didn't expand as much as this situation probably warrants. You can't express everything you feel in one blog post, not matter how short/long it is. I am NOT attempting to preach or imply that I have all the answers in the wake of such a tragedy. I do NOT mean to dismiss anyone's emotions or make light of anything that happened today by mentioning other bad things in the world. Just like most people, I am saddened by today's events and my thoughts and prayers are with all the families that lost loved ones today.**
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